I feel alone

I have dreams that

I am looking for you

and you don’t come to me

I can see your face

but you are no where around

I don’t know about anything

this emptiness is more

present than you are

You come and look at me

from time to  time

please talk

like you used to

My eyes are burning

and I want to cry

because I remember 

the words

“I love you”

They were so beautiful

I wish you still love

me,

I miss you

and I feel all aloneImage

Advertisements

Rich boy sits in his room

he looks at me on the screen

he has ideas in his head about

what he could see and I say no

he tells me that I will never see him

again

I don’t shudder

It hurts though because for

four days he has been

texting me and saying

he misses me

I take a deep breath

I am about to be deleted

because the rich boy 

has tired of me..Image

For me, I find I want to talk to men. I never had that attention as a teenager. I was a chubby girl and back in the 80’s that was looked at as almost a defect. I am so glad now that women are told to love themselves. I preach this  myself. LOVE YOU NOW…

Anyway, after my hysterectomy so many things changed. I started to love my body and I began to find myself. I realized I liked to dress up. I realized I loved Glamour and fashion. I looked to my idols Liz and Marilyn and I began to  model for my facebook and the (pen pal site also known as WACKY TOWN). 

I find I need to flirt, but flirting is also born out of insecurity. One would flirt if they were looking for attention and praise which would mean that it was missing from home.

I wish I had a guy who would say “God you are pretty, come here sit on my lap a minute.”

SIGH 🙂

I know you can hear the music playing softly.Image

I wrote a poem today about a surfer boy I met on Interpals. God it is so bad of me…I have to admit I love attention. I have Maryilyn Monroe and Liz Taylor in my soul. I can not just wash dishes and be happy. Long story short Surfer boy told me I was beautiful and that he was falling in love. I knew this was B.S. but I figured I would see how many days this would last.It ended today when I refused to show him my bubble gum and candy corn. 

“Baby, if you love me you would show me what I want..” He pouted. I told him “NO.” and of course that was the end of another potential saga 🙂

I found myself crying regardless. I don’t like being tossed. I am so honest folks that I am sure some of you reading me are like “Hmmm…”

Many house wives crave passion, admiration. So I was dumped by Surfer stud but for 3 days I was in his mind at least..

Another Margo story…Image

Another Day in Paradise

Sitting here watching Days of Our Lives, I just finished some chinese noodles and trying to chill. I miss blogging very much. I still don’t know the right way to blog. Should I be personal or fake? That is my question. I also think I will delete my other blogs and just write here. I will break down some stuff into chapters…

 

1. My Hair- My hair is stressing me out so bad and I am sure the stress is making it worse. I keep looking back to all the times I cut my hair on auto pilot. I read somewhere that impulsive hair cutting could also be looked at as self harm. I don’t know. All I know is I have often cut my hair just to get rid of stress and try to have a new look. It is very short now and dry. I have been wearing a lot of wigs. I love wigs. I don’t care that  even if I had the best hair on this planet I would be out playing with wigs. I have inspired a few other ladies to dress up as well.

 

2.My love life- Well, my sweet one came back to me, but he does not go overboard in the communication. He doesn’t say I love you so much like he used to. I wish he would and all I can do is pray that if he ever loved me he still does. This may once again sound selfish since I am married. My husband was texting his trainer telling her his minute by minute whereabouts claiming that because he runs late at times he needed her to wait for him to get his money’s worth.I was so upset and we fought for 2 days and of course he threw it up at me that I had gone to Morrocco.

3.Friendships- My friend Kat came and we had such fun on her ten day stay with me. I miss her so bad because I never have anyone to hang out with. We went to five movies, had a few doughnuts, did tarot cards and just had a blast.

4. Me- Well, I am just trying to figure out how to get along in life. I wonder about love if my marriage will be okay. Do I really love my special guy? Do I know what love is..Should I stay with my husband and hope he never acts like a bully again or what ? WIll I make any money? Can I ever finish a book without falling asleep? Everytime I try to write I find myself sleepy as a baby being sung to by its mama.

Alas

Alas, I have given up trying to win your love

or figure out what went wrong

My sweet husband held me last night

when I had nightmares of a ghost grabbing

at my feet..

Alas,

I have given up because

you are not worth the 

Pain

You are a coward

and I know this now

your words of love

was from a boy’s mouth

and I a woman who sought

too much

Alas, Alas I have

given up…Image

pain of loss

Beads on the window

Kylee has hung beads over the curtian

because she is a princess

they are pink and purple beads on

a lilac ribbon

she draped them over the curtian

carefully

she lies and tells people

that she doesn’t want to

see Michael

and she stays in the room

she shares with David

she sprays Chanel and opens

the box that holds the letter 

Michael wrote and when she reads it

she cries

David comes in from behind

her to remind her where she belongs

and he doesn’t look into her eyes

like he should

she hears Michael in her head

“I swear to god I love you Kylee”

The dance begins and she keeps her 

eyes on the beads on the window

it’s easier and passes time

She imagines she is with Michael

that he is eating ice cream

and hugs her it was love for a while

the beads on the window remain still

while she moves

even though she wants to run awayImage

I asked myself

I dont believe in fate anymore 
that we were suppossed to meet the ones
we love
that bad guys came to teach us a lesson
and  the good guys rose above
I don’t believe my prince will come 
to replace the one  who
loved me first
I DONT believe in anything much anymore
i lived in a castle
with a prince
he was beautiful with dark skin
he had money 
and was well read
but sometimes
I cried in my bed
I felt empty because of the way
he talked
and I longed for another’s touch
I dressed in fine clothes
and had a crown upon my head
I knew I was a princess
because that is what the sign said…
Fate mocked me
when I happened outside the castle gate
to find two evil knights in my wait
one stripped me of my clothes
the other of my pride
and for a while after that I
thought I would surely die
I met a young wizard tall and thin
he had soft brown eyes
and olive skin
I loved him with the heart of a child
and he said he loved me too
but months ebbed into two years
and he left me too
the way he left me was cold
just a simple I am done
and back to the prince
I crept
back to the place I wept
with blue eyes and tear stained cheeks
I spat in fate’s face
because I don’t believe anymore
in good things come to those who wait
because I waited too long as is…Image

Can Your Prince Find you Blogging?

When someone joins my blog I wonder if he is my prince. Sounds foolish huh? Why even look for him at this point. I just get the idea that maybe some guy will read me and say “I like that girl.” In a way it’s like reading a letter isn’t it? Okay, so dear prince if you are there, come to me 🙂

Ah the romance that is me…I just had a terrible kashi thai meal. I wish I never had that for my breakfast. For a few minutes I watched Youtube on manifesting what you want and about how to find your angels. Many times when someone makes a video on the new age ideals people will write that this is not a good way to be that angels are not to be worshipped etc. Is it so wrong to want to believe that you have a guardian angel now and again?

I can feel sleep calling to me it is 9:19 a.m. And I just wanted to pop in here because I am avoiding facebook, and say that if you are my prince and you want a tall southern girl then tell me we will work it out some how !

Love, MargoImage