I Wore an Abaya to Town

Last Friday when I got the dramatic email from Mr. Tall that because I am not Muslim he can not love me or like me I decided to pull out my very own abaya the islamic dress from my closet. I own one. I wanted to feel close to this religion that I have felt drawn to for a long time. I dressed carefully and left for the mall. People didn’t stare of make me feel strange. I was just a tall woman dressed in back from head to toe. I wondered what Mr. Tall would have thought had he seen me. I came home and hung my dress in the closet. I am so open to other cultures, yet I often get pushed aside as if I am not good enough to be a part of a family or a accepted. I have been married to a Hindu for 18 years and I have dealt with being the American at the table, but I still try and I still try to find my way in this world. I just wanted to share on some of my real life drama.Image

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The Odd Mr. Tall

I haven’t written in a while about Mr. Tall I guess he is on his way out of my life. He has became some kind of religous fanatic and told me because I am not 100 percent Islamic he can not like me or love me anymore. This is total B.S., but whatever I am done trying to get someone to love me who wants to be mean and hateful to me. People who have lost loved ones not to death but to selfishness would know what I am going through. I was once madly in love with a tall nerdy guy from Algeria. The sun rose and sat on his emails to me. We laughed, we fought , we fought we made up. Even though I am married he loved me and I loved him. Those of you who read my blog know I got to go to Morocco to meet my friend instead of Mr. Tall. Mr. Tall would not “allow” me to visit him. 

Anyway, months have passed and he threw me away again and this time has become someone who goes to the mosque rather than sit down and smile at me. I miss him, but I really want to  go on with my life and stop being ignored I deserve better than being treated like I am nothing to someone who was once my everything.Image

Waiting For Something

So, I am sitting here. I don’t want to wash the dishes, my mind is full of creative ideas from writing a book to saving the world.I have been calling a lot of phone psychics lately. I thought I had broken that habit. I am in doubt. I miss Mr. Morrocco…I will tell you all it is so hard day after day to know I was once told I was loved and went far from home…I will not say how I risked my marriage and all that stuff.

Marriage has been alright. I love being next to my husband at night because I feel safe.My mind though is thinking of kisses and hugs and tumbles on a large bed.

My romantic nature wants to get out.I want to help people who have been hurt, but to do too much of that brings a ton of stress into my system.

I will be more positive today 🙂 I have one more psychic call and I am done for 6 months with that..

I miss giving readings myself.

MImage

Welcome To My Blog I am totally real

Sit down have some cheesecake. I want to welcome some of the new members who have joined my blog. I don’t know how many of you actually read me. I am often curious who you are and would love to hear from you. I have noticed that some new members have come along and I want to welcome you to my life. I am a real girl (yes a girl at 40) still with hopes and dreams. I want you to know I am a sensitive person and I hope you won’t judge me too harshly for falling in love and wandering a long life’s dusty roads. I come to my blog as a place of solace so I beg you if you are one of those people who want to condemn me for the love I have had in my heart for people who have came and left me please don’t make me cry and give me speeches. I am so open and so honest that many would call me a foolish romantic. I send you much love,

MargoImageoggi

Married Women and Online love from someone who has been there

Many women want a boyfriend. They want more than to wash dishes and watch their husband’s play games on their Iphone. Many women get online and put up pretty photos and are told by strangers how beautiful they are, when people at home just don’t see them. So many people laugh at online love and they think a married woman who dared talk to another man ought to be ashamed. I am not ashamed because I was lonely. Before you all get carried away I will tell you I only kissed 2 people besides the man whose name is on a marriage liscence with mine. The first was a gay boyfriend..Yes, he was gay and wished I was a guy instead of a lovely 20 year old girl. That broke my heart and had me in a rush to find a “real guy”. I rushed into everything. I met my husband online, this story is in another story on here too…

But after I had a hysterectomy I did not feel beautiful, womanly or sexy. I always loved to take photos and when I found a pen pal site where I could post photos I had more men then I could imagine tell me hello. Now, back in the day I believed they were all telling the truth.

As my husband worried about the laundry being done I would run to check my email.I met so called best friends like Mr. Tall who now acts like I am nothing, I met good girl pals too. But the men for the most part lie a lot. One friend of mine we will Teza she has had several real life affairs. She has went on vacations and made love for hours. I never did any of that…much of my love lives in my heart and a few kisses that were for nothing with Fouad.

I have bad days where I wish again for someone to send me sweet emails and whisper on the phone. I can’t help the way I feel. I am a passionate person. I am very happy I could be honest with my husband and things are great and all that, but there is this longing I have sometimes that someday someone will say “Margo, I won’t run away.”

SIGH 🙂

Margo

Alas

Alas, I have given up trying to win your love

or figure out what went wrong

My sweet husband held me last night

when I had nightmares of a ghost grabbing

at my feet..

Alas,

I have given up because

you are not worth the 

Pain

You are a coward

and I know this now

your words of love

was from a boy’s mouth

and I a woman who sought

too much

Alas, Alas I have

given up…Image

pain of loss

He’s So Popular

He’s so popular

why would he even talk to me

He writes well, he’s cute

he climbs rocks

but would he ever notice me?

I grab my books and hold them against

my chest

will he think I am smart or

ignorant?

He’s handsome and sexy 

and everyone follows his lead

I would say hi but I don’t know 

if he would notice me

The girls they all praise him

and I look down

I am not that shy more like a clown

I wish He would pass me a note

I feel like floating

but he would think it’s a joke

he’s so popular and sexy cute

I wish he would look at me

and think so too 🙂

I hate the quiet with so many words

around,

but I can’t say much 

I can only hang around…Image

Too many perverts and not enough real men

I want to tell you all that recently I joined an erotic writing website. I didn’t last long there.One of my friends told me to go check it out because you didn’t only have to write naughty stories. They offered poetry and romance stories as well. I met a guy named Jim (We will call him Jim.) the first day I was there. He was warm and friendly.He said he had been in the army.I liked the warmth from him and I love to chat. Things of course took a wrong turn and I realized what a fool I was for trying to chat to anyone. I cried. I felt guilty again. How long does will it take me to stop wanting to be someone’s fantasy? I had learned my lesson flying away from home, I had learned from countless online weasels lying to me.I guess part of me is still hurting deep inside worried about being loved, noticed and appreciated! we learn slowly sometimes, but this upset me. We were chatting and he said something so wrong that I began to sob. I thought about deleting every shred of evidence I ever wrote online, but I have to be braver that that. I have to realize I made a mistake and not only should children be taught not to talk to strangers so should grownups!

Maybe you are a bad guy

Maybe your a bad guy

and I’m just out for hurt 

maybe I am wrong to ivestigate

to find out more about you

when I could just be asking for trouble

what if I find a love note

or a shocking photo on file

maybe you don’t like me

maybe you’re not worth my 

while,

maybe you are a bad guy

who likes all kinds of girls…

I don’t wanna think about it

I just wanna go to sleep

sick of looking online for an 

email or a tweet

I just wanna close my eyes

and think about something else

maybe you are a bad guy

and you already left…

 

MargoImage

I don’t even know your last name

I don’t even know your last name

I can’t look you up on google

I can’t find you when I dial 411

if you never wanted me to find you

I guess I never could do

that….

baby I only know your name

what you say that you go by

and I go by looking at the guys

walking down the street and I wonder

if I could ever meet someone like you

and I only spoke to you for a minute or two

you never promised me anything out of the blue

I don’t know where you grew up up

or what you dream of..
I don’t even know your last name

and aint it a shame cause

tonight I’m missing you..

and I can’t even google where you are

or what you do,

I only know that I miss you

and I hope you someday

I can get to know you a little better

than this

cause I have to trust you that you

meant what you said

those few minutes talked

and I haven’t forgot you……

 

 

By Margo  (DO NOT STEAL MY WORK I WISH I WAS A SONG WRITER AND COULD MAKE MONEY I SING THESE SONGS )

 

sigh