SOS FOUND NOW WHAT

My Sos wrote me on FaceBook. I had prayed for that he was saying he was at his sisters and didn’t have internet. I am still upset and I don’t know how things will be now. I will  tell him we will be pals and not to tell me when he gets engaged to some perfect virgin. Mr. Tall continues to ignore me and I guess pretty soon he won’t be a character in my blog because he never speaks.I have ate too much today going to go back to weight watchers I know this is suppossed to be about SOS.:) m

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Native Americans Where Are They?

I have always been fascinated with Native American Culture. It was last year I learned that my Father’s mother was half Cherokee and my great Grandmother was full Cherokee married to an Irishman. I never knew my dad my mom and he got divorced when I was a baby. I often told people my great Grandma was Cherokee, I never knew it was the  truth, it was just a story I made up. I want to know more about this culture that has impacted my life. How has it affected me? All my life, I loved nature. I used to go into the woods and pray. I felt at peace there surrounded by the trees, plants and rocks. I was always very spiritual asking for guidance and asking the “Universe” to guide me. I was watching TV and I heard the commercial about Black pride, I thought for a moment what about Native Americans. I never see them on commercials, I never see them anywhere and it makes me sad, do they not want any part of “White America?” I know that they have their own reservations etc but I feel robbed that I can’t know Native Americans better, I am just someone who can say “Hi, My great Grandma was Cherokee can you teach me about being Native American?” I think I am being pulled again by my ancestors because I often get such strong feelings that I need to connect to this culture. I want to know more and not forget that this culture is in my blood.

Hair Dreams

I want beautiful hair.I also want to enjoy my “alternative hair” without worrying what people think and if I should feel “Weird” for wearing it. If I was rich I would have all kinds of wigs of all styles and colors. Today, I keep feeling of my hair it is dry and has hairspray in it. I have been washing my hair with Mane and Tail shampoo because it has been rumored since I was a little girl that it helps your hair grow. So, tonight I will jump in the shower and use the shampoo and conditioner.I have the urge to cut my hair but I am fighting it I think this will always be a struggle. It is because of the stress I am going through at the moment.I am  using law of Attraction on my hair “My hair is growing, my hair is healthy, My hair is beautiful I am greatful for my hair.” So, I found myself saying that a few times today.I bought all kinds of cute hair accessories over the weekend little flowers and tiny butterfly clips. I just have to be patient and I have to let myself enjoy my wigs and my fun things that make me happy. I want every woman to enjoy their hair their real hair and their “Fun Hair.” In reality though some of us will never have beautiful hair, many of us have been ill or damaged our hair or have hair disorders which have have caused hair loss. If this is the case we must come to terms with that and seek out solutions such as wigs to help us with our daily looks.I am craving a bob myself 🙂 Maybe later today I will dig one out of my “Hair basket” and take some pics. M

Where are you?

Where are you

The one I called love

why are you not here with me

did you decide you had had enough?

I don’t understand why you won’t talk

to me

and my Eyes hurt from crying

I loved you

I thought you loved me

Where are you?

I miss you please come and talk to me

Say you are back

my love…

Say you still care

Please this is so hard to watch

the days go away and not

know why you left me

Where are you

Besides in my heart

You are Special

There are so many unhappy souls in the world. I have been unhappy. Some of us choose to stay in the field of pity because we envy those on the other side of the fence who are laughing and happy. We could easily climb over. I started feeling better about myself five years ago when I got online in Social networks. I was lonely at home and had female health problems. I often was greeted by my husband with a laundry basket and he would hand it to me that made me feel like hell. I knew I was pretty and I began to take lots of photos of myself. I always wanted to be a star so I told myself I would be my own celebrity.Men complimented me and that was uplifting but what made me happy was when a woman would say “Margo, I got dressed up because of you.” I wanted women to know they did not have to wait for a man to say they were beautiful. The best was to know that they were gorgeous in their own minds.I was met with a lot of people also talking bad about me and my new found sensuality.There was all kind of bad talk and I had to look to my Idol Liz Taylor. I love Liz and she was strong and gorgeous and sometimes, I think I look a little like her.She didn’t care she was in photos,movies she had passion in her life.I knew deep down I was good and I knew also all my life I had needed confidence and when it began to grow I celebrated it. I took photos when I was lonely. My husband was often around but there were times where he just wasn’t talking to me and I wasn’t talking to him.. I would get dressed up and be in front of the camera many nights till 2 a.m. and I would be angry that he had fell asleep while I was looking beautiful.We all crave compliments.I think one of the biggest compliments is when we look in the mirror and smile when we love ourselves it can really change the way we see the world, we spend so much time hating our bodies, hating this and that we never get to see how wonderful we are. We have to pray in the temple to keep it from falling to the ground and I mean our bodies, and our looks.

M

Missing

The last few days have been very hard on me because my special someone has disappeared. I don’t understand why he has lost interest in me and I am deeply hurt and confused. There is some talk that he went to his sister’s does she live in a place with no internet or phone? I am just very upset I cried a lot and first.I told myself that I will just be a wife and stop being in love, but to be honest with you all I still care a lot for Mr. Tall. I have been ignoring him because that is what I get from him so I am just going to blog and not  get on Facebook or AOL. I needed to come home and write. I was going to go to the movies, but I got some magazines and a Law of Attraction book and came home. It is lightly raining and My dogs are here with me.I don’t know if I should delete my blog because what purpose does it serve other than to be a creative outlet and yes I need one. I miss writing with Mr. Tall and he and I were working so well on the  websites, but I need someone to reach out and say “Yes, I miss you and yes I am looking for you.” I have been studying Law of Attraction a lot and I am saying positive affrimations. “I am beautiful, I am loved, I love people.” I keep saying positive things now because the more you feed negative the bigger it  gets. I just wish SOS would come back, I am used to Mr. Tall acting as if I am invisible, but not SOS who was loving to me, I wear his ring he gave me in Morrocco. I try to think what on earth would make someone just disappear, his friends seem clueless or they just tell me “Don’t Cry.” But I am not a robot I will cry I pray he comes back.

No words

Karen paced the floor of the hospital her daughter Keena had twisted her ankle and there they were. She had called only a few people to let them know what had happened so seeing Rowdi Daas there was quite a shock. Rowdi was her ol boyfriend , if you could call him that they had spent a week together in Kenya.He was at the hospital his hand in a cast when her turned and saw the redhead that haunted his dreams he was taken aback. He got  up from the chair and went to her, “karen, what’s wrong who is sick?”

“Keena twisted her ankle she’s going to be fine, just need to get the paperwork and get out of here.” She stared at  him he was an arabian wonder, he didn’t belong in this pale boring hospital.

“Oh, I hope she gets better soon. Can I see her?” He asked .

“Oh shouldn’t you be out on horse back in the Sahara somewhere?” She walked away angry now and he followed her.

“Well, I wish but I am actually back in town for a while I have to sell my Dad’s house he went to live in the retirement home.” He looked sad and she had the urge to reach out and touch his dusky cheek but she stopped herself.

“Oh is he okay with that?” She took a sip of coffee and he smiled.

“Yes, I didn’t throw him in Karen he wanted to go and he will be happier there.” He bit his bottom lip nervously.

“Mom.” Keena was out in the waiting room now on crutches seeing her mom’s exboyfriend startled her and she smiled a fake smile at the man who should have his own adventure show.

“Keena, your mom said you hurt your foot, I do hope you will be on the mend soon.” He was ready to go when Karen shrugged.

“Why don’t you come over for a minute have a sit down tell us your latest adventures.” She smiled and he felt as if the rug had been pulled out from under him.

“Okay.” He said and that’s all he could say as he followed them outside into the dark parkinglot. ” I need a lift I took a cab over here.” He said as Karen unlocked her old convertible.

“Alright by me.”She felt uneasy with him because she had once loved him so much and for him to be anywhere nearby was just insane but here he was.

When they got to Karen’s apartment Kenna said she was tired and told Rowdy it was nice to see him. “Don’t get eaten by lions okay?” She smiled and made her way into her bedroom.
He sat down and put his dark hair in his hands. “She must think I should get eaten by lions.” He almsot felt bad because once he was very close to these two people.

“Well, It’s okay people survive.” Karen smiled and sat next to him. To sit there was highly dangerous, but she could not let him think that just because he was a wild adventurer she was afraid of him.

“How you been Karen?” He asked her and his brown eyes revealed nothing of what he felt that he had missed her.

“Oh busy you know me I’m not one to let weeds gather under my  toes.” She stood up and was ready to pour more coffee when he stood up too.

He held out his arms and she walked into them his lips on her eyes, there were no words but he was telling her he was glad to be there ….

Morning Romance (Roses on Black)

When Meggie awoke she pulled the covers up to her chin and lay in the bed. She had had vivid dreams of her ex love Jack and the fact that she awoke alone in her bed was very upsetting. Her phone was next to her and she sleepily looked at it, no one had called. She rolled back over but suddenly the phone rang.

“Meggie.” A familiar voice said her name.

“Jack?” How could it be him when she had just fantasized about him.

“Yeah, Can I come over?” He sounded as if he something was bothering him.

“Yes.” She said and he hung up. She jumped out of bed and ran to the shower she washed her short Pixie hair and  dryed off with her t-shirt. She sprayed on perfume and put on make up and turned on the coffee maker.

When the door bell rang her heart was in her throat, he was wearing a white training jacket and jeans he was tall and his smile made her want to fall in his arms, but she didn’t know why he was here. She hugged him and he came on in and sat down on the couch.

“It’s been a long time since I’ve been here.” He looked around then looked at her, she was so beautiful. He felt his heart flutter despite himself and he took the coffee she offered him.

She sat down across from him not wanting to startle him. It was terrible that this could happen with someone she once loved she now had to approach him like a beast  in the jungles. To study, but not to scare.

She couldn’t say she missed him so she sat there. “You need milk in your coffee maybe?” She stood up but he shook his head.

” I broke up with my girlfriend a few days ago.” He said sitting the coffee cup on the coffee table.

“OH.” She blinked. She thought this day would never come. She ran her hands through her hair and she bit her bottom lip how to react?

“Yeah, I know I shouldn’t be here because I hurt you. I was mean to you at first and I pushed you away. I treated you so bad.” He took a deep breath and shook his head.

She could only nod. The pain had been umbearable one day they had been best friends and in love and the next he had a girlfriend with no name he started treating her like dirt.

“Meggie, I honestly don’t know why I was such a jerk. I don’t. I still thought of you, I still cared and I tried to hurt you.” He stood up.

“Don’t go.” She said and she hugged him. He hadn’t held her for more than a minute in so long. He rested his chin on top of her head and a  tear rolled down his cheek. He had been so unkind to the person who had loved him most in this world and for what his girlfriend had been someone he could hang out with and feel important, but she had no shine, no depth. Meggie was a big part of his heart no matter what he had said to her.

“Listen, just know I’m sorry. I didn’t mean any of the crap I said you are a great girl.” He looked down at her now and her green eyes were shining.

“You know what? It’s okay.” She touched his cheek and then he bent down to kiss her. It was natural and when he kissed her the passion that they had let rest like a sleeping bear awoke. He shook his head. “I don’t want to stop.” He said and he picked her up and carried her to her room where roses lay on a black sheet he lay her down there on the roses kissing her and whispering her name.

“Jack, I …” She dare not say she love him because if she did he would run. Instead she kissed him deeper and ran her hands up and down his back he was the one she loved so much and she prayed he would not go back to that girl. She stared at him his brown eyes on fire with passion.

“I never stopped…” He said and he kissed her.

“Don’t stop, Don’t stop…” She whispered as the reunited becoming one with the roses on black sheets.

I wish you would come back

I wish You would come back to me

I pray so much and sometimes I can’t sleep

I don’t feel the same about anyone else

I am often filled with loss and doubt

Will you ever come back to me

the one who loved you first

I don’t understand why you gave me up

for another girl

she never loved you like me,

I wish you would come back

it would mean the world to me

Make Something Your Own (Don’t Let Designer Bags Bring You Down)

The first time I ever saw a Louis Vuitton bag I was a little girl in Kentucky. I always got my mom to buy me a Vogue magazine. I loved to look at the beautiful models and I was always drawn to the glam. When I saw this brown bag with LVS on it I wanted one. I kept it in my mind that someday I would have one of those bags. I was 30 something when I held my first Louis Vuitton in my hands in the Taj Hotel in India. The hotel that would be terriorized five years later. We were living there for my husband’s job and this purse was my “Thanks for Sticking around” reward. I loved it at first and I had a few replica bags too, to be honest many of the hush hush bags you get at flea markets are just as exciting.It has taken me a while to get to the point where I can write now about how I feel about designer bags.

I guess in every time in the world there must be treasured items that seem to scream out “I am special, I am for the elite.” Yesterday when I was in the mall I stared at the Louis Vuitton behind the glass. It was not to be touched without request. It was white and beautiful and the way they had the light shining on it made it even more surreal. You go inside and there is a body guard type guy in a suite, can you imagine really trying to run out of the mall with a Louis Vuitton.I guess it could happen.Then across the hall is Coach and I have had many coach bags, I looked longingly here too I could use a new bag and as much as I hate the high prices of both these bags I think a Coach bag is more versatile. I love them both and I wish I could have them floating above my head like little angels but alas…

Dooney and Bourke which I grew up watching the popular girls at school carrying down the hallway always has a place in my  heart even though I haven’t had many of them I have ordered some older ones from Ebay because I wanted to be the popular gfirl for a minute and get flash backed to the 80’s. Do you know that the vintage look comes back and many of the high end purse companies bring back the older styles?

Want some fun Leather with some silver plated love? Brighton always has something different from the usual. Now, where were we in my preaching about designer bags shouldn’t rule our closets? The fact is we should be open to bags we find in our stores like K-mart and Walmart without feeling we have bought BLAH, the insides may not look like a mercedes, but often the outside is lovely and we could take pride in owning a pink faux leather bag that we attached a blingy key chain to. If we crave designer, we could start with Ebay to get a touch of the LUX at a lower price, but many people want their first designer purse to be something magical, they want to save up for it, work hard for it and when they carry it out know that it was a big moment. I love purses of all kinds and colors and although not every Bag has LV on it it has ME in it because our bags carry much of our lives inside it everyday.M