When Whitney Houston passed away the first night I heard I was sad, but I didn’t know over the next few days I would feel worse. I sat and watched the funeral and when they lifted her coffin and began to play her singing “I will always love you.” I broke down sobbing. I cried for many reasons, I cried because someone I had known a big part of my life on the radio and TV was gone. The song meant so much I thought of people I loved and lost and how I would always love them.I thought how sad she was gone a beautiful woman, a wonderful singer. Now, I want to talk about the stress. What are we to feel when someone we don’t know (But Know) passes away? Some people just wave it away and blame success for the early demise which is so unfair. I truly felt sad and today as I was in the grocery store the tabloids had her photo all over them talking only bad things trying to rake in pennies. I am getting disgusted with american media, I praise freedom of speech because of it we can blog, we can talk openly yet shouldn’t there be a cut off point somewhere on making people look bad. I feel stress of her passing because I think of drugs, I wonder why anyone with a voice like that would want to smoke marijauna and coke. I have never done drugs, so I don’t know about this euphoria I am reading about? Is fame not Euphoria enough? So many of the stars have to take drugs because they feel something is missing some of us out here in la la land we are not taking drugs and things are missing, where do we find those missing things? Sometimes, it’s just an idea that we are not happy enough. I think once you begin to take drugs you have this fake happiness that your brain craves because it liked being high and the real you gets swollowed somewhere. I know in the next few days I may continue to feel the stress of Whitney Houston passing. I was just another woman out here in the world who loved her songs. I am very sorry she had to go and I will not forget her. I was not her biggest fan but I was not her smallest either and she will be missed.
Monthly Archives: February 2012
When it wasn’t the Two of Us
What if you were about to give up in your marriage after a huge argument. You had been put down before in front of in-laws, the kids. What if one day he said something like “…….” You can’t even type the sentence. Part of you died at that moment and you decided that if given the chance you would lay your head down on another pillow.What if you were there in another man’s arms and some things happened, maybe not the main event but other little mini events. Days passed and you had to go home to your husband who was washing dishes and turned to you and smiled, he had forgotten what he had said and he was holding you. Your chin on his shoulder you felt dead inside. He had never kissed another woman in his whole life , but here you were the warrior who sought revenge and had also wanted love without critisisim. Now months pass and the guy who loves you is far away and you don’t get to talk much. Your husband has held you and at night before you sleep you ask him to forgive you and he hugs you. It is a terrible that because if you tell him of the mini events that you had experienced and in a way cherished he would not forgive you. You have a deep pain in you because one morning he was in a rage and said terrible things for minutes that ripped your heart out. You lay next to a beautiful man and he made you feel loved his hand against your face and you felt so wanted.One argument which had came after years of others had made the ship leave the doc and onto stormy seas it sailed alone until it was hauled back in and its anchor dropped. The captain had climbed aboard again, will she ever sail alone again ? Will one big storm release her? M
The Door Mat Girl
No one wants to be a door mat girl. I am wondering if I am a door mat because for over a year I have missed the guy I loved.He hasn’t really been stepping on me, he hardly ever comes around, but what must we girls do. Some of us will stand and say “Yeah he left me a year ago…” It seems the things legends are made of, what caused the breakup…who said the final goodbye, did you ever get back together again even for a second? We must try hard not to be doormats. Life goes on after a break up. In very rare cases you can get back together. If he is the one who broke up with you why blame yourself. We blame ourselves because we were too this or too that. I was too clingy. I had an internet realationship so if you can be clingy over the net maybe I was but he was not very attentive. I would wait for days for an email.Then the final blow came when he said he met someone at his college and I was replaced for a “Real Life Girl”. He started being mean to me and my heart was broken. I can’t explain how I loved him he was once my best friend and the first guy since I had gotten married to show me any kind of attention. He had at first made me feel treasured to trashed in only a moment. Months passed people got tired of my lament and I met other people.Then we came back together to work on blogs and websites. I miss laughing with him and being friends I often still hold a bottle full of tears ready to spill at any moment. I am in 2 minds walk off and never look back or hang around and try to be one of those heros thatr stuck around for the bread crumbs of some kind of “Friendship.” I don’t know yet what I will do. The love for him is strong and does not think straight and like a door mat it always says “Welcome”. 
It’s Been So Long
It’s been so long since you loved me
its almost like a dream
I don’t think you remember at
all the words you said
and how you used to call me
I was like your puppy
following you around
I was so happy to hear your
sound
I could cry right now
to think of days gone by
and people make fun of me
but part of me loves you still
even though its been so long
and I have secret prayers
that I say at night
that one day maybe
you could love me again
even though its been so long
since you cared for me
More Motivation Please
Maybe its when I looked in the mirror and my face had more definition. Maybe it was when I put on my usual big ol jeans and they were loose that made me want to try harder. So many of us we brag on our Face Books and in our blogs and somehow after 2 or 3 days of eating again we forget that we really wanted to do it this time, that we could and we would lose weight. I have been sick for over a week with an ear infection. I think that has helped me lose five pounds. I really want to get out of the 260’s I was in the 270’s for 3 years. Some people can get out of a 10 pound range in days which is not healthy.So, today I am trying hard I am having a lot of yougurt . My ear is still terrible and I hope I will be able to hear out of it again. I never had such a bad ear infection.I don’t know who my readers are anymore, I haven’t seen anyone in days leave a comment. I come to my blog for myself and hope a few others come to. M
The lily
The princess had moved through the court yard like a seductive flower. Many men stopped to say hello and many women turned their heads as she smiled. Princess Lily waited for her prince ZayZen to come and take her hand but behind the palace walls his passion and jealousy were intense. He unwrapped her golden colored garment and she stood naked before him. “You think I should worship you I will not.” He said and he came to stand behind her kissing her neck and teasing her with his touch. “Tell me princess who you belong to.” He knealt down on one knee and she blushed. “No one.” She said.
He went and got a pitcher of water and put his hand in the water then ran the water along her lips. “This is to wash away the lies my dear,because you know you belong to me and you are lying.” The water trickled down her breasts down her belly and unto the floor and she shivered.
He pulled her over to him to stand between his open legs as he sat on the edge of the bed. “Such a beautiful thing you are and all mine.” His lips found hers and the kiss was enough to kill a person. His hands in her long black hair his olive skin her pale white. His hand on her belly he kissed her bottom lip his beautiful brown eyes with flecks of gold spoke of passion and lust.
“Take me.” She begged but he pulled her down to the bed hovering over her like a bird of prey.
“Not yet my sweet.” He went to her feet and touched them running his index finger up her leg and stopping at her rounded thighs. “Men go insane with thoughts of ever touching you but it is only I who can claim you.” He wouldn’t say he loved her he refused that anymore. Instead he kissed her neck and whispered in her ear “Lily.”
The night wind slapped against the place walls as he made love to her all night holding her to him and as she slept he whispered
“I do love you.”
Get your wig on
I love wigs, I am going to wear a wig whenever I want. One of the reasons we don’t enjoy wigs more often is because we don’t want to be made fun of. Isn’t it strange that people with LUSH hair don’t get made fun of. They can tie their hair in bows, have wacky braids spray paint it pink no one says a word. For many of us if we decide to buy or wear a wig folks come around telling us “Your real hair is fine”, Or, “If you hadn’t cut and colored your hair so much you wouldn’t need that.” There is so much drama with wigs. I know that there are people out there who wear wigs just to have a change and I would like to applaud them. I think now a days wigs are looking more like fashion Accessories than “OH MY GOD HER HAIR IS GONE” props. I have a basket of wigs and I keep buying. The more I wear a wig the more confident I feel wearing one. If I want long hair I am going to wear long hair. I take lots of pics with different colors, and lengths. The most important thing to know is there is no shame in owning a wig it is for you to have fun and add to your self confidence, so get one on and take some pics!! IF the movie stars can spend thousands of dollars for fake hair you are entitled to a little fun yourself.M
Sweetness
“It’s your fault!” Amin threw the vase against the wall as my blue eyes fought back tears. He was in a rage,
“Amin, we won’t lose the money.” I assured him and I tried to get him to sit down.He bit his bottom lip and muttered some Arabic curse words. I knew that he would just have to let this come and go this flood of emotions. He worried we had just lost a big account for our new website.
“It’s going to be okay.” I said but then he grabbed my arm. He was tall and angry and no matter what he did I was drawn to him. His brown eyes were a mix of pure hate and disbelief and I stared back at him. I pulled his head towards my lips but he let go of me and I almost went to the floor.
“You playing kissy face won’t help the situtaion Claire.” He sat back down on the edge of the bed. “I have worked so hard on this.” He put his head in his hands. I felt like I had done nothing. I worked hard too. I grabbed my purse and decided I cwould go out for a while so he could rant.
“You can’t go, you don’t know your way around here.” He took my purse.
“Amin, I will stay in the hotel, I need to get out of here because you need to calm down.” I tried to get my bag again but he held me to him. No one loved this man like me, even if he hurt me, even if he was mean and cold I could see the hurt in him. His head on my chest I rocked him against me like a mother would her baby.
He sat up and looked at me. “I can’t be good to you Claire, I am selfish.” His beautiful lips turned into a smile.
“You are good.” I say and I took his hand and squeezed it then kissed each finger.
“I promise you I will get our clients back Claire and when I do I’ll buy you something.” He kissed my forehead.
He went to the window and I prayed he was mine it was a prayer I had prayed for years, I wish you were mine….My heart whispered. As I stared at the beautiful man who was standing a few feet away from me….
Hold me (Fiction by me)
When he walked into the room I didn’t suspect anything. We were working late and his room was adjoined to mine, he said he’d keep the door cracked in case I needed him, that he would protect me. I was laying in the bed thinking that the man I had wanted for so very long was finally with me, but he didn’t love me. He was always reminding me of that. Once , when he was younger he had a crush on me that I had killed with my constant longing. Now, we worked together. I knew he was standing at the foot of my bed like the angel of death and I could see him now, tall and I wondered if he would try to kill me. I couldn’t speak then he said my name. “Mira.” I took a shallow breath and I answered “Yeah?” My heart was pounding and I grabbed the covers up to my chin.
“Can I hold you?” He asked me .
This had to be some kind of dream, because he didn’t want to hold me..
I sat up in the bed and he came around and climbed in beside me. He took me in his arms in the darkness. I didn’t know how to react because so much always happened between us. Maybe he would hold me for a moment and leave I lay my head against his chest and for the first time in the 7 years I knew him could hear his heart beat like a bird in a cage. His lips found mine and I gasped as he touched my face and he said “It’s been a long time.” his kisses were deep and each one made me feel like I was drowning. He kissed my neck and said…
“You know I love you don’t you?” His face was next to mine in the shadowed dark. I nodded and held him close to me.
His kisses were much to take in and I told myself I could not think about tommorrow that he would have the choice to forget this night or to remind me, I lay there and moved with him like we were one person and all I could say was
“Hold me” and at long last he did I was in his arms where I belonged for so very long.
I was never
I was never the one you loved
was I
in your haunted moments of little sleep
did you want to touch me
with those long fingers
your dark eyes closed
you fought back images of me and you told
me,
“I don’t want you”
How you made me cry it was
as if the devil had touched my life
People laughed at me
as I tried to win your heart
I was never one to quit
following my heart…
wishing you would welcome me home
into your waiting arms
margosmischief 